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Letter to a Liberal
The White House Dear concerned Citizen: Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. My administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington. You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short. In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in extinguishing human life. We recommend foods requiring no utensils. Ahmed's body lice problem is much better, but not completely remedied. His bathing habits run in quarters and he washes his clothes simultaneously. This should help hold down your water bill. Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters (other than sexually), as he views them as subhuman property. He will be eager, however, to educate your sons. Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you, who know so much, keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. This opportunity to interact with such a valued member of the citizenry is spectacular. You take good care of Ahmed....and remember....we'll be watching. Cordially,
George W. Bush |
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Heroes, Legends & Gunnery Sgt. Carlos Snipers in Iraq Richard Marcinko
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Everyone has a number, your number is "...personally, I wish every dime I send the .gov would be ear-marked toward purchasing the tiny speck of material on the very tip of every bullet, every missile, every warhead and every bomb used by our military against the enemy." -- Colonel Flagg, Internet Warzone "...why is it always the assholes who pass the tests?" -- Agent Augustus Gibbons, From the Movie "XXX" "...can't take no pictures lying down there sonny." -- Sgt. Maj. Basil Plumley, From the Movie "We Were Soldiers" |
